Letter to Stan

In response to Stan Collymore’s tweet, Falkland’s veteran and author Ken Lukowiak has some positive news for Stan.  

Dear Stanley,

This afternoon I’m looking at my Facebook page, when up pops a post containing a screen shot of a tweet you made.  It was about the Falklands and you said:

‘Falklands?  Wasn’t anyone’s.  We just theived (sic) it, as we do.  What glory, what triumph.  A fucking island with sheep.  Rule Britannia’.

I was just about to rip into you with my bayonet type wit, when I think ‘Hang on a minute here handsome.  What if it’s fake?’  And to be honest, as tweets go,  it was so insensitive and so ignorant, that it could well be faked.  So I checked.  And it’s not fake.  You actually wrote those words.

So, immediately I think:  ‘Is he fucking stupid or what?’  But then I remembered the tabloid headlines and the confessions of dogging, not to mention the time you decided to get all big boy with some international rugby players.  And yes, of course, you are stupid Stan.  You know that.  I know that.  Everybody knows that.

So Stan, really, I have to ask: do you have any friends?  Is there not someone in your life, that can look over your shoulder and say: ‘Stan, you don’t want to be tweeting crap like that bro’.

And why?  Because when you do, and this is from a purely selfish point of view, for you Stan, all  you’re really achieving is the bringing up of your past.  Almost every comment in response to your tweet made reference to either your physical assault of Ulrika Johnson or your fondness for the sport of layby sex (woof, woof!)

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I was going to try and explain a few things about the Falklands.  Give you a few facts.  A few figures.  But what would be the point?  But I do have to share one figure with you.  One cold hard fact:  255.  That’s the number of your countrymen who, in 1982, lost their lives on The Falklands.  And what your tweet brings up, from a purely unselfish point of view, is thoughts of them.   Though what do you care – hey Stan.  They’re only dead British servicemen.

But wait:  It’s not all bad news from the Military Facebook pages.  There is something that should give you a bit of cheer.  In amongst all the comments, and as I’m sure even you can imagine, they’re all none too flattering,  I haven’t found one word that makes reference to your skin colour.  I see that when you’ve been stupid on your twitter before and people ripped into you, you managed to spin it into an issue of race.  Well not this time.  This time it’s only about the memory of the 255 heroes who lost their lives during the Falklands war.  Nothing else.

You’ve done a very stupid thing Stan.  But I guess, by now, you know that already.

Anyway, must dash, I feel a need to watch  ‘Basic Instinct 2’ again.   I love the scene that you’re in.  Don’t know why.  Maybe it’s Sharon Stone’s lack of knickers?

Ken

P.S.  Oh, hold on, hold on, hold on.   I’ve had a thought.  Maybe you’re a lot smarter than we think Stan.  Maybe it was a cunning plan all along?  I’ll tell you what, if I find out that you’ve landed a job on Argentine TV doing commentary for the World Cup ……..

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184 responses to “Letter to Stan

  1. Hey Ged Moran, I’ve been 10 months living in Australia, so I supose I speak australian english, which is conbine with my spanish accent, making it a little different to the propper english speaking language, which is yours one. So… as you can see, my english is not the best, but you can still understand though, can’t you ?
    Hey Dizzy999, tell you what, I’m in Itali right now, because I love traveling and learning new languages, at the moment I can speak spanish, which is my native language, english, and italian, that’s a sum of 3 languages, and yet I want to keep learning other languages such as detush, and french maybe. So I’d say, instead of thinking you are superior, which is a really poor thought and seems like a little child told it, try to learn some languages, because the world is so big, and speaking just one language, seems not to be enough. Peace ✌️

    • Sorry, your grammar and spelling are so poor I can’t understand what it is you’re trying to say. Try learning English – it’s the world standard.

    • Hey Fede, if you want to speak every language under the Christian sun, then carry on. But if you want to be civilised, just speaky Engliiiish!!

  2. Oh thanks Ged Moran, I will get better in my english, as I want to go to England, so yea don’t worry about that, maybe when I get there we can drink a coffee and see wether we can understand each other or not, though I preffer not, cause I like intelligent and interesting people.

  3. Oh thanks Ged Moran, I will get better in my english, as I want to go to England, so yea don’t worry about that, maybe once I get there we can arrange a meeting, drink a coffee or whatever, and see whether we can understand each other or not, though I preffer not, as I like intelligent and interesting people.

    • Well I can see you’re willing lad so let me try to help you a little. Below is the ‘text’ you managed to string together, and I think it’s a valiant attempt at the English language. As you already know, we British (that means the United Kingdom) are always ready to help the less fortunate such as you, so here goes.

      You wrote:
      Oh thanks Ged Moran, I will get better in my english, as I want to go to England, so yea don’t worry about that, maybe once I get there we can arrange a meeting, drink a coffee or whatever, and see whether we can understand each other or not, though I preffer not, as I like intelligent and interesting people.

      I will now re-write the above in correct perceived English – please note, it is VERY bad grammar to start a sentence with an exclamation such as ‘Oh’.

      Thanks Ged Moran, I will (try) to improve my English as I want to visit England, so you don’t have to concern yourself; maybe once I get there we can arrange a meeting; drink a coffee or whatever. I can then try to learn as much as I can about the correct use of the English language, although I may defer on your kind offer as I have no wish to feel utterly stupid in my profound ignorance.

      The above is a very simple example of correct English – and I would urge you to avoid trying to deal with ‘nouns’ – ‘pro-nouns’ – ‘metaphors’ – ‘adjectives’ – ‘oxymoron’ – ‘pluperfect’…etc: etc:

      I do hope this helps, and as previously stated, we British always try to help the less fortunate, so don’t give up, keep on writing and we will try to help.

  4. Hahahah thanks a lot for making me laugh like that, umm yes thanks again dear Moran, but I think you are confusing me with someone who cares about your lessons, how smart do you feel right now?
    You wanna know what I think? sure you don’t, but I will tell you anyway,I think you are a stupid man just feeling so proud of being english, and that’s ok, I can’t expect more form you. I’m not trying to impress you with my english, I don’t need it, I don’t know you and definitely I don’t care, and talking about ignorance, do you really think I am an ignorant? hahah I know I know let’s speak in spanish! oh hang on, you don’t know that language, do you? alright that’s ok, let’s speak in italian then… ooohh right! I forgot you just speak english, oh what a shame, but it’s ok, you are such a closer minder, and is not by the fact that you don’t want to learn another language, but because you are not smart enough to do so, in the other hand, instead, there’s me, open minder, I like foreign languages, and even though I do like a lot my language, which is spanish (I can say so many things in spanish that I can’t in english, and that’s because spanish has so many words and different ways to say the same things you have no idea) I’m not saying every time that is the best language ever, I don’t need to feel that power, I think they call it humility, don’t worry, I know that word sounds like something so unknown to you, I’m not expecting you to learn the meaning, so yeah… take it easy mate! oh and don’t forget to drink your tea, the tea hour is coming.

    • Well it seems my attempts to help you are not working too well – your latest mix of diatribe simply tortures the English language. However, as I am fluent in Japanese and German, perhaps you might fare a little better at making some sort of sense to the rest of us, if you try one of those languages. Most English people are good with the French language and many are fluent in German; few have any understanding of Spanish as it’s considered a poor method of communicating.

      I still urge you to stay with your studies of English, it is after all the universal language, and with enough practice even the most peasant like individual (el campesino) can usually learn enough to prevent people laughing at them.

      Stay with it and I’ll keep checking your progress.

      la despedida 🙂

  5. So you are fluent in Japanese and German? Well, congrats mate! You might be the only one, cause the many english guys I’ve met in Australia, each of them spoke only english, and I’m talking about guys who travel a lot, I’m mean backpackers you know.
    Of course I don’t believe that my english is that bad, as I survived 10 ( ten) months in an english speaking country speaking like this, and believe me man, I had no problem. Actually most of the english guys I have met, told me I do speak very good, of course I can make some mistakes very often, like this is not my native language, and I do think I still have to keep improving.
    Anyway, thanks for the cumpliment, I appreciate that.
    Another thing, just to let you know, Spanish has at least the double of words than english, so… how can be Spanish considerede a poor method of communicating? Lol xD . Seems like your ignorence is showing up more and more every time.
    Hey you know what? I don’t need this, I had enough of this, I can’t keep wasting my time speaking with people I don’t know who keep saying no sense words, as I have a life, a happy one. And I tell you what, I’m not even mad at anyone of you, instead, I wish you all the best, seriously. I do the peace, not the war. So yeah keep saying my english is awful, like it doesn’t affect me at all, but if that makes you happy, then do it.
    Chau maestro! Suerte capo que te valla bien! 🙂

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